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And I am not alone in being the object of ambivalent, conflicted desire by men who identify as straight. My body was numb, I could barely move. I could barely keep my eyes open. My head felt like it was going to explode and I just felt so dizzy and limp…. Phillip Henry is a writer, comedian, advocate, and performer in New York City.

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And during all of this, these men, these straight men who were always my bully growing up or even in college classrooms, maintained their straightness while I was constantly reminded of how they despised my gayness even as I entertained their episodic gay-interests.

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First, understand that acknowledging the ways in which you perpetuate racism is not nearly as painful as being on the receiving end of that racism. Being gay is still not easy, especially as a person of color. Through our conversations before, after, and sometimes during sex, I learned the history of Tina use in the Black community.

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Dating within our own race has spared us from the glares of your friends and family when you bring us around, the microaggression that is your sister asking to touch our hair and your friends asking if we know how to swim the weekend you bring us to your share in Fire Island.

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